Leaning In

A lot has changed with my studio practice since becoming a mother.

I have become more thoughtful about my work.

I don’t have the luxury to spend several, uninterrupted hours in the studio to create, experiment and explore the way I used to. However, no matter what I’m doing, or where I am, I always think about art.

I virtually visit art exhibitions in NYC and Miami on YouTube. I often watch and listen to artist podcasts, conferences and symposiums. I always think about what I would like to do and make. And I write, a lot more now; more so, ideas and thoughts.

And every pocket of time I find, I paint.

When I create, many times, I have no idea what I’m going to make.

I like not knowing what I am going to make.

Painting is very cathartic for me. I work out ideas, I release emotions, I experiment and explore. I feel joy and sadness when I paint. I paint to see, to learn, and to discover something about myself or the world around me.

My sense of confidence as an artist comes from me being in the studio and spending lots of time there.

However, my new self as a mother, has other priorities that come first, that impede the luxury of time I once had to spend full days and full weeks creating as an artist.

This change is a gift, if, I am willing to accept it, and lean into it.

I’ve created several “stations,” where I paint, write, or consume creative and educational content.

If I’m feeding my son breakfast, I’ll put on art vlogs, exhibition tours, and dialogues on television, or I may sit with him reading and/or jotting down ideas or my goals for the day.

I’ve created areas, where I can quickly execute an idea, or pick up where I left off on a painting in various rooms in our home. And I have stacks of canvases placed together that require similar input from me or similar materials.

Some works are very abstract, messy, that use lots of materials and paint. Those works remain in the studio— the best setting to complete these works.

I have several works that require additional layers of sketches, drawn designs or outlines with an acrylic pen or marker. These works allow me to me create, inside, while still being with my family and those I love.

When painting is not an option, I flip through interior design, art, and architectural magazines or I grab paper or a journal to write.

Motherhood, has opened a new door for me to grow as an artist, forcing me to slow down, and produce slower. Marinate more over the process. Marinate more on my thoughts and feelings.

This was (and still can be) very uncomfortable for me at times.

When I became a full-time artist, my sense of confidence and safety was in my ability to work incredibly hard, and to find a way to “make it happen.”

The past four years, have truly been about surrendering, and “leaning in”—leaning into my new self.

My Self as a mother, artist, an evolving human being, who is spending a lot of time, “sitting” with herself.

It’s been a huge growth opportunity, but definitely with natural growing pains.

And, I am slowly moving forward with this growth, not by taking huge leaps, but by leaning forward, taking one step at a time.