Who am I?

There are a lot of ways to answer this question.

I am a mother, an artist, a wife. I am consciousness. I am a ball of infinite energy. I am divinely made.

I could be anything. The list could be endless.

Ultimately, I am who I say I am.

And I am, who I think of myself to be.

“*Note to Self*” by AVM Hawkins, Original, Acrylic, Oil Pastels on Natural Canvas.
*Email: AVMHawkinsArt@gmail.com to Inquire.*

Recently, I was reading an Architectural Digest magazine for leisure and inspiration; specifically the May 2025 edition, which features Lenny Kravitz’ gorgeous home in Paris, France.

In this edition, there is a ten-page feature of designer Neal Beckstedt’s renovation of his Sag Harbor home.

The home consists entirely of rustic, exposed original wood of this historic 1890 home, preserving the original essence, while also creating a serene and cozy experience.

I saved a particular quote that I wanted to return to later, to reflect and to marinate upon its meaning and how this applies to my life and my work.

The quote is:

“When you design something for yourself, you have to ask ‘Who am I, what is my voice?”

— Neal Beckstedt

I’ve been thinking a lot about discovering how to write about my work and my process. I sense that the next phase in my personal growth as an artist is to discover my own language on how to describe my work and its meaning.

But this question, first, asked the most important, and the hardest question of all: “Who am I?”

In normal everyday life, for the most part, I go with the flow.

In person, I can be fairly shy at times, quiet, where sometimes I can be at a loss for words.

I feel a lot.

I feel my emotions, and the emotions of others around me.

Art has been my way of examining my feelings—feeling them in the present moment, releasing them into a physical form, and examining what happens, after the fact.

If I knew myself, who I was, and what I wanted to say, I probably wouldn’t need to create art.

The truth is I have no idea where to begin to answer this question.

But my answer is found through my process of creating.

I seek the answers to these questions: “who am I, what is my voice,” and many questions through painting, through writng poetry, through creating things, through following my curiousity, and pursuing the things that inspire me.

Inspiration is a great way to discover who you are, what you like to have or create in your life.

Writing is a great way to discover what is hidden deep within ourselves that we often try hide or overlook out of fear or shame.

Painting is a great way to channel energy inside, observe the thoughts that arise, as a moving meditation.

What we discover, what we produce, provides cookie crumbs leading us to the answer.

Who am I?

I am someone who feels deeply, who loves to create things, and who wants to be a positive force in the world.

I am ever evolving. I am who I decide to be, in every moment.

To understand, to hear and heed our own voice, we must be quiet and be alone.

Who we are, and what we have to express, all lies in that inner exploration of our deepest thoughts and emotions, ideas, inspiration, life experiences and how we interpret them, our desires and our dreams.

To discover the answers to these questions, art is the way.

Rick Rubin, a famous music producer and author of “The Creative Act” often compares the act of creating to a diary entry.

A diary entry is deeply personal, something that is done by and for the writer alone.

It is an authentic expression and it is a space to be honest—honest about one’s thoughts, inner emotions and feelings, created without the feeling of being judged.

Creating things in this fashion is the one true way to discover one’s voice and one’s own personal point of view, without the interruption or the judgment from the perception or opinion of observers.

The art is pure and true. And adequately expresses a moment in time, with complete truth.

I’ll leave this post with a quote from a very dear friend of our family, who I value his thoughts, perspective and expertise greatly.

He said, “ You never truly know what you think, until you spend time with yourself alone.”

I always loved this, and found it to be very true for me.

When I am in the same room with someone, I am in tuned with them and their energy. I am not completely present to ponder my own thoughts and explore them deeply.

We never really, truly know what we think, until we take ourselves away from the external influences of people, television, social media, so we can just sit and be with ourselves and our thoughts.

Painting is definitely one means for me to accomplish this. But journalling and writing also aids me in this as well.

I encourage you to take time out this weekend, or whenever you have a leisurely moment, to do whatever you enjoy, where you are present with yourself and your own creative expression.

Wishing you a great weekend.