Abstract Expressionism

I have not “painted, painted” in a while.

I’ve been creating new work on canvas, with acrylic, but with acrylic paint markers.

I have been drawing detailed designs on canvas, which have been interesting, exciting, and deeply rewarding.

This style connects me to my youth—to the first indicators of my unexpressed desire to be an artist.

Luckily, now that I am older, I see that I was always an artist, I just wasn’t committed to the craft. I didn’t put in the hours, or the work.

I was in school. Elementary, Middle, High school, where art was never a consideration.

But what would usually happen, especially as I gotten older, particularly in college and then most significantly during law school, I would experience deep, seemingly negative emotions, all together, all at once, and I would feel like I was going to break or explode.

During these moments, I would turn to writing and painting.

I intuitively discovered that I had to release these emotions, in some manner—and thankfully, I decided to release them via art.

The most beautiful thing about art and creating something with your hands, especially during a tough emotional moment, is that it can channel depressed, sad, anxious, fearful energy into something constructive and positive.

Somehow, always, something interesting or beautiful gets created, and I feel lighter.

I’ve processed the emotion mentally as well as physically and it fully gets released from my body.

That energy is not transferred to another person or thing as negative energy. Somehow that negative energy gets converted, into something positive—-something beautiful and I get to learn from it.

It’s very difficult to compartmentalize my emotions. I feel them, and many times its very difficult for me to express them into words.

This past week, I experienced that all too familiar feeling of discomfort in my body. I was overwhelmed by so many emotions: despair, sadness, hopelessness, frustration, grief, and uncertainty.

Life is hard in general, but sometimes being too glued to social media can really warp one’s sense of reality.

Luckily, I have developed a knowing, that when I feel like this, I must create.

I must move, and do something, constructive, positive with my mind, heart, and body.

I went in my studio, and followed through with an idea that has been incubating in my mind for sometime, just waiting for the free moment, the right moment to get to work.

The reason compounds.

Emotions build.

When I haven’t painted in a while, I become unbalanced. Unhappy. Lost.

There is something to physically painting on work in my studio, painting expressionistic pieces, where I just go in there and allow myself to do what my body wants to do.

Pull out materials.

Pull out buckets of paint.

Pull out blank or unfinished works on canvas—and just go.

Abstract expressionism is the most healthiest way I release emotions. It’s one of the main ways I process thoughts, analyze and decipher my emotions, and then constructively release them in a positive way.

Release them in a way that is for me, and no one else.

My studio, my art, is my safe space to process deep, hard, gnarly emotions and life experiences.

A safe space is something one should not take for granted.

It’s one, we should all identify and resort to as a sanctuary to recharge, reassess and reset.

A safe space, many times is a person. A safe person, you can be vulnerable with, to talk or remain silent with, and feel loved and cared for.

A safe space could be a journal, a trusted friend or a therapist or a process that helps you connect back to center, and feel a sense of safety.

A safe space could be a location, a church, or particular home, or organization.

A safe space could be your imagination— a world you can create in your mind’s eye, and enter it anytime you desire.

For me, one safe space is abstract expressionism.

Whatever or whoever or wherever your space spaces reside, I hope you visit them often, feel deeply supported within them, and feel ready and anew to face any challenge or obstacle that may lay ahead.

I wish you a safe, relaxing, enjoyable weekend.